If You Give A Pig A Pancake...

Okay, so I'm sorry for not posting a REAL post all week, but here's what I've been doing. (In the style of one of my children's favourite books.)

If You Give A Girl A Paintbrush...

...She's going to want to paint her kitchen. So, she'll buy the paint and start with the walls.

Then, she'll want to paint the trim. So you'll need to give her masking tape.

As she's taping, she'll notice the really terrible job that the previous homeowners did of the trim on the kitchen passthrough. So she'll say, "I can fix that!" Then she'll start taking off the cheap wooden planks they used instead of putting up drywall.

Then, she will be HORRIFIED to discover that they didn't even FRAME the passthrough--and she's pretty sure it is a load-bearing wall.

So, then you will need to let her use the computer and the phone. A LOT. To call her dad, who really knows a lot (or at least a lot more than her) about framing (he did build his own house, after all), and to go online to try to become a journeyman carpenter in an afternoon (or at least get some visuals of what the heck her dad was trying to tell her.)

Then, she will need to go to the hardware store to buy lumber and tools.

When she gets home, she will diligently start marking, sawing and nailing. Then, she will realize that she did not get enough tools.

So she will go back to the hardware store. With three kids. Who are bored out of their trees. Thank goodness the double stroller keeps at least two of them in one place!

After that, she will hammer and nail and saw some more, until finally, the framing is done.

Unfortunately, you might have to tell her that it is not plumb and square. So she will go back to the hardware store to get a level--and more tools and supplies. Yowch! Total project cost so far: $300.*

Then she will lament that all she wanted to do was paint her kitchen!!! So, after she has finished framing, drywalling, cutting trim, putting up beadboard, she'll want to make sure everything is the same colour.

So then she will ask you for a paintbrush.


*Unfortunately, I haven't actually got my un-plumbed framing fixed, yet. But I will. I THINK I have all the tools. I'm probably at the asterisk in this story-line right now.

To further complicate matters, Noah totally freaks out every time he hears a power saw (which, fortunately, I was able to BORROW instead of BUY!) This makes it difficult to do more than two or three cuts at a time before he is down the stairs and climbing into my lap for comfort--and to prevent me from turning on the terrible monster again.

The previous owners of this house were only in here 2 years, but they did a lot of renovations. Unfortunately, they did all of them badly. They couldn't paint worth a darn. They laid laminate floor horribly. And all the materials they used were the cheapest ones they could get their hands on. It is unfortunate, because the house underneath is solid and good, but it needs some nicer clothes, now. We have managed to fix a few of the problems already, but mostly ones that the previous owners just hadn't addressed yet. (Although we did tile the master bathroom, which they had PAINTED with GRANITE-TEXTURED PAINT instead of putting any REAL flooring in there. They also put this same cheap, difficult-to-clean alternative to tile or quality materials on a peninsula in the kitchen, and on the hearth they built in front of one of the fireplaces. I found the can in the basement, and it said "Cleans off easily with a hose." Yeah, like I'm going to hose down my kitchen counter or bathroom floor on a regular basis. Some people [I say "some", but the percentage is probably higher] only turn their brains on for special occasions--and some don't even do that!)

So, that has been my week. I am falling behind in my housework--haven't done laundry in over a week, so we're getting down to the desperation underwear--and I've just been doing the bare minimums of office work so I can keep my customers happy!

Sigh. Did I mention that all I wanted to do was paint my kitchen?

At least the colour I picked for the walls looks nice!

This sign is a new addition at the top of the hill entering our neighbourhood. I'm pretty sure it was put up by the owner the house who now has a walk-in basement, thanks to a couple of drag-racing kids, one of whose car's went airborne.

Jason saw the car sticking out of the basement, but unfortunately did not have a camera to take a picture of it. THAT would have been funny. (Well, to me, but not to the guy who owns that house.)

Quote of the Day:

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelflife." - Frank Zappa

Bonus Quote:

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein