Blistering Blue Barnacles!

I was one of those kids that got teased in school, because in our house, words like "darn," "gee whiz" and "golly" were worthy of a mouth-washing.

While I have since added these mild expletives to my vocabulary (no longer equating them to taking the Lord's name in vain), I still got some incredulous looks when a co-waiter at a past restaurant job I held asked me if I ever swore, and I said, "Nope."

"So, when you stub your toe, what do you say?"

Scrunching my face, favouring my big toe, and with a pained voice, I responded, "OOOOWWWWW!"

"That's it?"


If singing a song that contains a curse word, I skip it or change it to something milder. (This doesn't really work in Alanis Morrisette's You Oughta Know, by the way. There are just no other one-syllable words that mean "to have sex with." When this line comes along, I usually mumble something unintelligible, floundering around for something more appropriate to use, and coming up empty--again!)


If I have to kill one more d--- fly inside my frigging house, I think that all my #%# previous oral chastity will be *&@ thrown out the ^&*%$$ window!!!!

(Please no one point out that I want to be a missionary in an equatorial country, where they have household pests much worse than flies. I see the irony, all by myself. Thank you.)