Enough Love to Go Around

Today, I was on the Alberta Government adoption website.

I know you are all going to think I'm crazy. My husband does, and has told me so. Repeatedly! :-) And since he is so far from warming up to the idea of adopting right now that he is planning an expedition to study penguins in Antarctica, it will be a while.

Why am I even looking? I thought about it, and here's what I came up with:

1. It is no secret that I have long wanted to adopt an orphan. The plan had always been to do it after we were finished having our own children. Well, since Jason got the snip while Jabin was still in his first month of life, I guess that means we are done, whether I want to be or not, which brings me to the second point.

2. I am not sure I want to be done! While I was pretty sure immediately after Jabin was born that I wasn't too keen on experiencing pregnancy again (and still look at it from the same angle), that does not mean I wouldn't be willing to go through pregnancy to experience the joy that having children brings.

3. I got pregnant with Noah when Jude was 7 months old. Noah was just two weeks away from one year old when Jabin was conceived. Jabin will be one in two weeks. It almost feels like we should be getting pregnant now. I find myself floundering around at a loss, like there is something I keep forgetting to do, and I am pretty sure it is just my body saying "we ought to be getting pregnant right about now, dontcha think? Hasn't it been long enough?"

It is kind of mind-blowing to think of adopting a child and missing out on the baby stages, and perhaps getting some extra issues to deal with that most kids do not have to go through, but on the other hand, part of me cries out that this is what God made me to do--all my other dreams do not mean nearly as much as loving a child that would otherwise grow up in foster care, never knowing what real love means. If that is my true calling, then perhaps the other dreams will just take longer--or never come to fruition.

But when I am standing before the judgement seat of Christ, is this how I want my resumé to read?

"Wrote a handful of smash hit musicals, but in the process neglected husband and children with the end result of divorce and spending her twilight years in a nursing home, lonely and unvisited."

Not so much. Rather, may it say that I spent my life spreading around the love that God has shown me through the gift of His Son, starting with my own family, and as many other people as possible.

Because through His strength, there is always more than enough love to go around.

"...to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?"
- Isaiah 58:6,7

"He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair."
--Isaiah 61:1-3