Drained

Well, I did it. 30 days of posts in November. No cheating, no back-posting. I even came home early from a scrapbooking night out to make sure I got my post in! It was a little tense one Sunday evening when the power went out just as I was about to do my post--and didn't come on until quite late. But I still squeezed it in there.

I think that the ability to finish what we start is a trait that most people admire. Sometimes, though, the tenaciousness of holding on goes beyond intelligence and determination to ignorance and stubbornness.

The last few days I have been seriously questioning some of the commitments I have made. The commitments are all good things, in themselves. But are they adding up to a whole that is beating me, overwhelming me with things that fill up my calendar? Are they leaving too little time for me to "recharge my batteries," so I can be the best wife and mother I can be?

And if the answer is really "yes", which my tired self would whole-heartedly answer at the moment, which things have to go? That is always the difficult thing--the pruning. Should it be the volunteer work that helps to shape a generation of youngsters but brings no income, or some of the income-producing work that imparts knowledge and skills one might argue are equally invaluable, but which is more time-consuming?

I don't know. What I do know, right now, is that I'm drained. I have two weeks to catch up on eight months of paperwork for my eBay business. And then, when I start teaching again, what happens? Does the day-to-day paperwork get shoved aside for another year's blitz next December? The very thought of it makes me tired.

Ask me again next week. Ask me when I am not so tired. Ask me when my body stops wreaking havoc with my emotions.

But, while I will continue to ask myself these questions, I will not be doing it here. I am taking a little break, so that I can figure out which energy-draining holes in my calendar to plug.

For now, I am substituting with chocolate.