Lately, I've been having a difficult time getting my butt in my chair to do any writing. Partly, this is because of the amount of yard work and things still needing to be finished before the snowflakes make their appearance. But mostly it is because Levi's skill at getting into trouble has increased significantly.
Even ten seconds unsupervised can mean he has pushed a chair to the nearest cupboard and started pulling down glasses, dishes, papers, pens, electronics--a continual and expensive fascination for him--you name it.
After a two-minute bathroom break this morning required a five-minute mop-up of the water he had poured out of the cooler while I was doing so, I decided that from now on, I'll have to strap him in his chair when I need to go that badly. Or wait until his naptime.
Our boy is busy, but he is also still pretty fun and cuddly. After breaking another tooth a few days ago, his attitude returned to its normal laid-back disposition. Thank goodness!
He has been attempting more words lately, but they are still pretty mangled. He tends to take the last consonant sound of a word and put it first. Thus, "egg" becomes "guh", "sock" becomes "kah", "cup" becomes "puh". At least he's trying!
Speaking of the little man, he's getting in trouble again... gotta go!!
For some people, the Christmas season is their most difficult grieving season of the year.
Not me. With the passing of Noah's birthday on February 26, I have been descending pell-mell down the slope of anniversaries that bring up bittersweet memories of Levi.
Apparently, getting puppies is how I deal.
How we celebrated Levi's birthday, and the saga of the passing of the Caravan.
In celebration of Levi's adoption day...
I know that sunflowers think their job is to propagate their species by creating seeds. But today? It was to teach me that even when we've been hammered by life, and everything seems wretched, and we are broken all over the ground, we can still be beautiful.
"It's your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you." - Rumi
"Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life." - Anne Roiphe
Every day is another step forward. Every day, grief morphs and whirls and changes into a different shape, like dancing aurora borealis. And lately, I have been surprised by joy.
Last Saturday, Levi turned four. It could have been an awful, hard, day of mourning. But it wasn't. It was a day of joy, and remembering, and thinking about our little man. Together.
In a way, every day, every moment sine June 3, 2015 has been a "first" in this first year since I went from being merely a parent of four boys or an adoptive parent to a bereaved parent. Every day, there are things that trigger my tears. Some of them are quite small and seemingly insignificant--but even something that might seem small to others can leave my heart weighed down by stones too heavy to lift for most of the day.