No Man is an Island: How Our Community Shapes Us
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
There are times, as I walk through certain seasons, that I see a theme emerging—a lesson that pops up over and over in multiple scenarios and situations. The more it happens, the more opportunities God seems to provide me to ruminate on the lesson and learn what needs to be learned, often in a quite personal fashion.
This past month, the lesson has been about the power of our community.
I don’t just mean the place we live, though that can be included. What I mean is the people we surround ourselves with and interact with on a regular basis. Our tribe. Our peeps.
These are the ones who encourage us, motivate us, expand our thinking, and keep us honest. Or, conversely, keep us mired in the small-minded thinking and echo chamber that we’ve become accustomed to.
Which is why I believe strongly in having connections with people of all different backgrounds, cultures, and faiths, because you don’t know what you don’t know. And just because someone sees something differently than you, that doesn’t mean they are not seeing truth. (Jeepers, did you follow all those convoluted negatives?)
In other words, like the seven blind men and the elephant, just because someone else is describing the tail and you have your arms wrapped around a leg doesn’t mean that one of you is wrong.
“Just because someone else is describing the tail and you have your arms wrapped around a leg doesn’t mean that one of you is wrong.”
But what if you, like Simon & Garfunkel, have declared yourself to be a rock, an island, or perhaps a lone wolf? What if you, because of past wounds, have willingly isolated yourself from others?
If you were a blind man grabbing an elephant, you would have a seriously skewed view of what the elephant looks like. You’d have limited information with which to determine physical shape and size, but also potential danger, intelligence, or ways that you and the elephant could connect on a deeper level.
And if you’re trying to make sense of the world or muddle through your problems on your own, you’ll probably have a seriously skewed view of how the world works and what your place in it is.
In other words, you’ll be out of balance. With no one to help you regain it, you’ll probably end up on your keester.
What’s the solution? You can’t just order the blind man to see so he can get a clear picture of the creature he is trying to comprehend. (Well, you could, but then you’d be a keester.) You could bring out some blind friends so he could get a better idea of the complete picture—but it still wouldn’t be the whole picture.
The best way for the blind man to understand the concept of an elephant is to have it described to him by someone who sees the whole thing clearly, who sees the “big picture.”
“The best way for the blind man to understand the concept of an elephant is to have it described to him by someone who sees the whole thing clearly, who sees the ‘big picture.’”
We’re all blind to something, friend. We need our tribe to walk with us along this road and help us see situations from new and interesting angles, pick us up when we fall down, or see things about ourselves that we never realized before.
We also need a “big picture” perspective, a standard of truth to guide us and shed light on the parts that even we and our friends can’t see.
I believe that that someone is the Holy Spirit of God. I also believe that, regardless of whether or not your spiritual views align with mine, that Spirit continually reveals truth to all seekers in whatever form they will accept. He’ll use anything and everything, because God loves us. He’s the best daddy ever. He knows we are not isolated rocks, and he’ll never leave us alone. Even if that’s what we think we want.
For my own part, I am so grateful for the gracious and loving Father who continually reminds me—through his creation, his Spirit, and the network of people around me—that I am loved and important to him. He knows my neediness, and he works within my weaknesses.
Consider your tribe. Have you cultivated meaningful relationships with people who will lift you up and help you in this life, and for whom you do the same? If not, perhaps it’s time to rethink the way you interact with others, or reflect on the people with whom you choose to surround yourself. Are you in an echo chamber?
And is the only voice you hear coming back to you your own? ;-)
Simon & Garfunkel lied (or perhaps they were a couple of blind men trying to describe an elephant’s keester, I don’t know).* People who pretend to be rocks and islands may not cry, but they’re in more pain than anyone, because they won’t allow their tribe to help them heal. And maybe they’ve been sitting in their pain so long, their tribe has faded away.
The good news? Most of us still have at least one or two people willing to step up for us when we’re ready to let them. Sometimes, one is all we need.
But I’m pretty sure I’m preaching to the choir, here, because you guys rock. Nevertheless, I hope this post reminds you not to take your tribe for granted, and to remember the tremendous resources they offer you when you are the one in need of a helping hand. Most humans are pathologically helpful, after all.
Lastly, thank you for being part of my tribe. I love sending out encouraging messages to you, but when I recently needed encouragement, many of you responded beyond my expectations. (On Facebook.) I was humbled, inspired, and incredibly grateful.
We’re all in this together. And together, we’ve got this.
*On my 2026 re-read of the lyrics to “I Am A Rock”, I suspect the song was meant to use irony to show the cost of isolation. More like the counterpoint and support to the concept of “No man is an island”, shown from the opposite point of view. But this post is referring to anyone has actually become the person portrayed in the song.
Originally published in the Books & Inspiration newsletter on 2018-05-18.
Speaking of islands…
It’s Mer-May, and speaking of islands, found family, and figuring out where you belong in the world—have you met Zale? He’s an eleven-year-old boy who just discovered he’s a merman, and he’s absolutely not handling it well. One accidental explosion, one terrifying transformation, and suddenly everything he thought he knew about himself is gone. When a Romani clan takes him in, he gets his first taste of what found family really means—and why it’s worth fighting for.
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